Suspicious activity

Fact: I have to learn how to be a mother soon. I think I am a fairly patient person, so that's a plus. But I may or may not be known for my need for "personal space."

Fact: Dogs are just like children. Ok not really but I like to pretend they are. I have a dog and this makes me feel like I know what I am doing already.

Fact: My dog has been acting VERY suspiciously lately. He whimpers for no apparent reason, and nothing I can do makes him happy. He has begun acting out at bedtime. He glues himself to my leg all waking hours of the day. He carries his bone (symbolic of a blankie??) everywhere he goes. I walk to the bathroom. He follows me in, sits his bone on the floor, and wraps himself around my ankles while I brush my teeth. I turn to leave, trip over the dog, step on the bone, and curse his name. I walk to my desk and he quickly grabs his bone and follows. I realize I left my phone on the bathroom counter and turn to get it, only to trip over the impossibly-close-to-my-heels-dog again and send his bone flying out of his mouth. He is not phased, scampering over to pick up his bone and catch up with me. This continues up and down the stairs, in and out of the kitchen, back and forth to the washer and dryer in the basement. All. Day. Long. I have to physically push him out of the bathroom and lock the door in order to shower alone. I love him but would especially love to have two precious seconds of time to myself.

I feel that he has been hired to "train" me in motherhood. Who put him up to this? I am not amused. I will pay you to stop.